i once found this silver ring that had the word 'trust' on it. i wore that ring every day. it was part of becoming a different person. accepting, outgoing, living. i knew i had it in me. things were going in the right direction. indescribable feelings. we were one but really two but really three. and i couldnt admit that to myself. that is why...

i threw that fucking ring into the depths of nowhere that day irene told me adam asked her out. i cried for the night only knows how many hours. nothing and everything was over all at the same time. i did nothing and still managed to forgive. though we've completely lost touch...all three of us...they took away everything that i wanted. and i forgave them. i managed to find a somewhat comfortable medium.

i can never wear that ring again. i keep it on my dresser though, not hidden, but not accessible. i keep it to remind me of the strings that come with trust. that nobody is infallible. love is never really love. you think you know what i think i'm talking about...and as long as we are people we can only go on existing in our own realms of reality. i barely have room to trust myself. i'm trying so hard, and this is all really a personal quest. question. we all need to know that. it is about one's self. perceptions are different. i will never try to understand anyone elses perceptions. my own are difficult enough.

there are cases though, where forgiveness is never acceptable. the opposites of emotions are so prevalent now. i never thought i would see the day.

i wrote that night: "trust is a bunch of fucking bullshit." i didn't think i could be hurt more than that. it just goes to show...change is inevitable as we all reach for our own. i can't even remember what its like to have a conversation with her. i used to think trust came out of experience. now i guess it depends on the circumstances; convenience even, as the case may be. most of the time, just a fucking fa�ade. but such is not the truth with every person. there are good people out there. i just don't even know.

i shouldn't keep that ring anymore. i'm giving it to the one person in the world i can trust. if i can even drag it out of nowhere.

yeah, the truth is out there. secrets hurt a lot more than the truth. please just be honest with me. so it can stop before it ever has to start.

that is all.

batman (0 so far)