" I've been able to understand most�.. be solved automatically that way."

i cant even understand why i suck at life so much. like, this procrastination this has gotten way out of hand. i should probably be on medication. i just talked to my mom about it and i mean, she totally agrees with me. there is no reason to care about my school work. i cant even grasp the concept of my calculus class being in existence. i haven't done three straight chapters worth of homework. i can feel my grades dropping as we speak. i. speak. yes. there is this horrible feeling in the back of my head that everything is about to get twice as stressful. humanities exams are in 16 days. HOLY HELL. THAT MEANS MY COMP LIT PAPER IS GONNA BE DUE IN A WEEK. AND NOT THE ONE I'M WORKING ON RIGHT NOW. THE ONE FOR THE EXAM. FUCKING A. ok, then since we have exams and spring break right after, all the other classes (calc, physics, anatomy) are gonna pile on the work like NONE OTHER. especially ms. fucking rodgers. what a jerk. she can eat my ass. and also i know we are going to have a math test soon. i can just hear it calling from some distant, dirty, evil cave somewhere. and the thing is, i just have not a clue what is going on in that class. none. i've done no homework, paid VERY little attention in class because i know i'm not going to do the homework that night. when he announces the test (which i'm SURE will be on thursday) (and i've been sick for the past 2 days), i may die.

in other news, there is no hope for this paper. i just cant. do. it. any. more. i can't stand this thing we call school. i'm so sick of it. actually, all in all, i think i'm just hatin' on myself right now. for putting off work so much. for not realizing how important it is to me to get good grades and actually learn and be greatful to go to such an amazing school and be getting and amazing education and that we really do have good lunches.

dammit i actually do have to go to school tomorrow. we have our isw assembly which means chamber choir has to sing which means i have to play drums which means I have to wear cool pants. obviously�

but grrr I now havent eaten more than bread and gingerale for two days and i have a headache and i'm typing this in microsoft word because my mom is in here and it makes it look like i am writing my paper. which i am not. clearly.

i need to go force myself to hold down food so i can have energy so I can write my paper that is eating my soul so that I can go to school so that I can sit in math class and be lost for one hour and ten minutes so I can sing in the isw assembly for 45 minutes so I can spend my free period writing this paper for one hour and five minutes which im not going to finish tonite so I can spend my other free period for half an hour eating lunch so I can have energy so I can go to comp lit class for fifty-five minutes and turn in my paper and discuss borges which I probably have to read even though I haven't been in class so I can get out of school so I can go to gsa and watch broken hearts club and watch hot men make out alot for however long so I can go to softball practice and not die so I can show my presence and work real hard so I can be captain this year so we can win the league and the isl tournament and be happy.

so by the transitive property, forcing nourishment upon self = happy

(do the math yourself)

batman (0 so far)